Archive for the ‘My Work’ Category

The prodigal returns!

Tuesday, January 30th, 2007

Okay, I’ve been away awhile. Bad geek. The truth is, I’ve been doing so much that I haven’t had time to blog about it. I suppose it’s time to take up moblogging.

After my birthday last year, I participated in a climb-a-thon,

Belay, belay, belay

hung out with relatives,

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and had a grand time gaming with my friends.

I went to my company’s holiday party,

LOOK!

went to Jasmine’s skating party,

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and hung out with the Rast’s for a New Year’s Party.

Crowd

I watched Tamiko pour drinks,

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and pour paint.

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I played in a poker invitational at work,

Rodney thinks...

I just went to another friend’s 40th birthday party (pictures forthcoming), and I still need to dump a bunch of pics off my camera, that document my travels.

I can’t wait for that 3 megapixel cameraphone with the zeiss lens. Soon, I’ll just upload everything to Flickr, as it happens. 😀

And that was just a month. I can’t wait to see what the rest of the year brings…

Halloween at work.

Tuesday, October 31st, 2006

So we had our Halloween party at work today, with a generous prize for the winning costume. I had a brainstorm a few days back, while I was bemoaning that I wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit, to dress up as an aboriginal headhunter. This was partly motivated by watching the Mythbusters episode where Jamie gets covered in gold latex paint from head to toe, to simulate the scene from Goldfinger. The other part of the motivation is the fact that I’ve lost some weight and gotten some definition from doing a lot of rock climbing, and my vanity (favorite sin) told me I should strip down for work.

So I went on a warpath yesterday, looking for supplies to be a aboriginal headhunter. Spear, necklace of skulls, body paint, loincloth, all that good stuff. I managed to find the paint, but the spear and necklace eluded me. I ended up buying like 6 tubes of brown paint, one tube of white, and one tube of black from the Spirit superstore in the area. Couldn’t find a spear, but did find a really cool staff with a skull on it that I probably would have bought anyways. 🙂
Got the loincloth from nabbing a towel we had at home that had spots on it. Used a belt with it to ensure that my manliness would be covered.

Painted myself from head to toe with brown paint. Only used about 2 tubes of the stuff, and used the white to make a skull and make some patterns. The black was accenting on my face. Jacob got my back, literally. Thanks Jacob!
At the last minute, Tony suggested I get a Coke bottle for a “The Gods Must Be Crazy” reference. He ran down to the Marina Market and got one for me. Thanks Tony!

Only took a few pics with my camera at the end, but will be yoinking some pics from Jacob who was using his far superior camera.

Pics follow:

Jen as a Playboy Bunny. (Almost made me run into a railing.) 😉

Bunny

Kathy as a go-go dancer.

Go Go

Mimsy as a fox spirit.

Fox Spirit

I won!

African

Nice little gift cert coming at just the right time. 🙂  Thanks to everyone who helped and supported my crazy desire to get nekkid.

Kooshes and Morale

Thursday, June 8th, 2006

Breathing hard.

Just got done having a Kooshball fight with my coworkers.

Nothing quite like having multiple kooshes whistling through the air, threatening to inflict rubbery damage on whomsoever is unfortunate enough to intercept their path.

Good times. 🙂

Review

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006

So I had my work review yesterday.

It went fine. I can’t really go into details about it since it involves pay and whatnot.

But I do want to say this.

At the end of the review, Kal and I talked about a magazine article I had pointed out to him in India about Project A and Project B individuals. At least, I think the word was Project…it began with a P at least. Anyhow, the distinction is that Project A individuals are leaders who innovate and collaborate and drive the team, while Project B type people are support people, who fulfills tasks that are necessary, but not exactly forward thinking.

Kal then asked me what kind of person I thought I was.

I told him what I thought honestly

I told him that I thought I had the skill set to be a Project A person, but I didn’t have the confidence to be a Project A person. He replied by telling me that I was a Project A person and that we’d work on the confidence.

It stems back to worthiness. I usually defer command to someone else because I don’t think I’m capable or worthy of command. I find that I’d rather help out the person in command to the best of my ability. But I think there’s also a fear of some sort of responsibility, fear of blame that really drives me away from it. I think there’s also a fear of not being followed, that I’ll lead so poorly that people will mutiny.

I mean, I can always count on my own skills and my own work ethic to ensure success, but relying on other people, trusting other people to accomplish their goals isn’t something I’ve felt completely comfortable with, especially if the blame will fall to me.

I suppose that’s an odd dichotomy. I can trust myself to accomplish tasks, but I don’t trust myself to lead people. But I trust leaders and will help them accomplish their goals, but don’t expect the same from people below me. Strange.

But I’m slowly gaining management skills and building off of the little successes to help generate confidence. We’ll see how it goes.

Unworthy

Friday, March 24th, 2006

It’s been a few days since Showing’s Birthday Party.

Seeing Showing brought up a bunch of feelings. Feelings related to the person I used to be when I was in Cal 12 years ago. At least in terms of interpersonal interactions and tempered through the haze of time. I felt like I didn’t belong in conversations. I think it was that way in Cal. I look back then and I do remember seeing being an outsider at times. I must have been involved somehow, right? My perception of the world colors my memories.

But I definitely didn’t feel at ease. Taller guys muscling into conversations, on the edges of conversations. It was reminiscent of interacting with Eddie, going as far back as high school.

And that’s where it’s depressing.

Have I not changed in 12 years? Have I not improved myself? I’m ever striving and yet even in the most mundane of situations, I crumple into old patterns.

It’s low self-esteem. Ever the killer.

It’s coming up at work, too. Jacob and I are on the same wavelength at times, but where as I’ll keep my mouth shut, he’ll go ahead and speak his mind. It’s happened a few times. I don’t fault him for it, but I don’t understand my hesitation. Self-doubt, self-flagellation, fear of embarassment, all keys to my tentativeness.

Low self-esteem. I don’t feel worthy of recognition, of notice.

Tall guys are commanding and women swoon over them. What can I do, bite their ankles? Younger, more intelligent individuals speak their mind and garner praise. What can I do, say, I thought of it too?

Meaningless.

I don’t want people telling me to cheer up or to think that this is false modesty and I’m fishing for compliments and props. Because that’s what they are, props. Take them away, and I sink back down again, ever dependent on the comments of others.

Where’s my backbone, in a dumpster somewhere? Should I go onto ebay and see if I can get one for a couple of bucks?

Now that I think about it, I think it had less to do with Showing and more to do with the environment I was in. My comfort zone. Where am I comfortable? Am I comfortable being a home body? Who am I comfortable with? I remember a few times I was having conversations with some extremely beautiful women (by my standards), and I just couldn’t hold a conversation. Not for lack of trying, but because I was physically shaking and nervous.

That’s not to say that women I can and do talk to now aren’t extremely beautiful, lest I offend any female readers. Both of you.

What about work? I thought I was comfortable there. At least, comfortable enough to spend almost every waking moment there.

But am I working that hard because I love the company, or because I’m afraid of losing my job?

Don’t rock the boat, so they say. They, being my parents.

Am I loyal for not taking time off? Or just stupid?

I’ve had horrible thoughts these past couple of days.

Just horrible.

Fine Grade Mush

Thursday, March 16th, 2006

Man, what a waste of time. I opted to go home to work on my 3D stuff and when I got home at 1 in the morning, I ended up spending two hours in front of the computer doing nothing.

My mind has been reduced to a fine grade mush, incapable of coherent thought or useful work.

I’m under a little time pressure, aggravated by a lack of sleep and an excess of work.

Add to the fact that this weekend is getting more and more busy by the second and I’m ready to scream.

Just like old times.

Wednesday, March 1st, 2006

Oh, the joys of staying up until 3 in the morning, working on homework at a feverish pace in order to get it in by the next day.

Nothing quite like it…when you’re a teenager. Nowadays, I don’t procrastinate that much anymore, knowing how little time I have and how much additional time these homework assignments take these days. It’s a bear.

I’m beat.

I’m running myself ragged to get my stuff done for class, get visual aids made for Francis’ class, get ready for my trip to Taiwan (emotionally and physically), and get my 9 to 5 (which runs closer to 10 to 7) work done. Fortunately, my assistant is extremely competent and works at blazing speed, I got a new backpack for my trip to Taiwan since my previous backpack was on its last leg (see previous post), and I have Maya running on this little laptop of mine, thus making my downtime more productive.

So now I just need to make some visual aids. Oy.

And I do have a few things I need to finish up with Taiwan, namely, get a refill on my prescription, which will run out in a few days (oh, the timing is impeccable).

But on the flipside, I’ll probably get a chance to meet up with Shu-Mei again, which makes me happy because she’s fun to be around.

But right now, I’m really tired.

Sick

Wednesday, February 15th, 2006

Bleh, I overworked myself last week and now I’m paying the price for it. I felt the tickle in my throat Monday night (10 days ago) and tried to fight it off using Airborne and assorted vitamins. But I didn’t get enough sleep on the subsequent nights, and now I have a headache, my throat is itchy and I have a cough. Damnitall. I can’t really afford to get sick. Actually, no one I know can ever really afford to get sick. It’s like we say in First Person Shooters, “it’s never reload time.”

Classes are going okay, but it’s starting to ramp up. This week is NURBS modeling.

I’m actually really happy that this class isn’t the conventional class with the damn solar system assignment. Seriously, if you’ve done a moon orbiting a planet once, you’ve done it a million goddamn times. Functionally, it explains hierarchy very well, but it’s very boring. Work has calmed down a little, which is good and having Mimsy around to help is great too. Maybe one of these days, I’ll actually leave work at a normal time.

And I’m loving this laptop. Just need to get a little three button mouse to go with it, some more RAM, and maybe a USB thumbdrive.

Valentine’s Day

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006

Happy Valentine’s Day…I think. You see, I’ve been single for a while now and what happens to romantics after a while, after they’ve ripened and rotted, is that they become ridiculously cynical and bitter. Now, I wouldn’t say that I’m bitter, but my coworkers are about to set up a chart to keep track of my bitterness, work related and home related.

They’re formulating that now that I have an assistant at work, my work bitterness will go down. However, they have no control of my home bitterness, so while my aggregate bitterness will go down, my bitterness due to home and personal life will be a larger percentage of my bitterness.

However, I am now blogging from bed, courtesy of a test drive of Tamiko’s Sony Vaio. This thing is a sweet little machine. I installed Maya Personal Learning Edition on it this evening and it ran it like a champ. It did start to slow down a little when I had like 30 objects on the screen, comprised of polygons, nurbs primatives, and subdivision surfaces, but even then, it was only when I was swapping between F and A for the view modes. The camera seems smooth and the rendering seems comparable to a desktop. I’m sure if I throw in a ton of lights and more stuff to render, it’ll take longer, but then again, even if I just use this as a secondary machine in a render farm, it’ll help.

Other news, I got an A for my last assignment. I’ll put up a pic of it when I get around to my other machine. Taking the character and the object from the last assignment, I needed to storyboard a scenario. I ended up drawing close to 30 frames for reference for a sequence that will probably run a little on the long side. But if I pull it off, it’ll be pretty sweet.

This week, I need to start modeling the character and object using nurbs.

Ah, but yes, this is Valentine’s Day. And I’m protesting it with Anti-Valentine’s Day gifts. No jewelry, no candy, no flowers. These are functional gifts for single people. Lubricant, tissues, ‘personal’ massagers.

But here’s a dirty little secret. Find the right person, and I’ll be all romantic again. Shhhh…

Late night wisdom

Monday, January 16th, 2006

Stuck at work again. Went out for dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Some poignant wisdom from a piece of paper ejected from a cookie.

  • You will travel far and wide for both pleasure and business.
  • You have a sincere desire to improve.
  • Every excess becomes a vice.
  • Our necessities are few but our wants are endless.